Okay.  Okay.  So I was never really “gone” but man it sure felt like it for this past week.

Eyes open.... Make up on.... It's alive!

Eyes open…. Make up on…. It’s alive!

Today, I semi-emerged from the chemo fog enough to let you guys know what’s going on. (Has it really been 2 weeks since I last posted?)  We can officially say that round 2 (and most of the side effects) are OVER!  You want to know how awesome that is? Awesome enough to say that we are a third of the way through this battle. BIG FLIPPIN DEAL HERE!  I’m planning a little something special for the halfway mark at round 3 but I guess you’ll just have to wait and see….

So Chemo Day (last Thursday), I would have updated you guys but it would have been a total repeat of round 1.  We came, I got poked, I laid in the sun like a cat wondering if this was torture or a vacation…. yada yada yada.  This time only took a mere 5 hours in comparison to the 8 hours from the first trip, and all was smooth sailing.  I’m practically a professional.

Mr pretty much perfectly summed up the week with this snap

Mr pretty much perfectly summed up the week with this snap

The only marked difference was this time I knew what was coming.  There is good and bad in that.  The bad is, of course, anticipating flu-like symptoms and bone pain for one out of every three weeks.  The good was that I thought I knew how to manage them.  Notice I said “thought”?   Well, it would appear that after each round of chemotherapy I will be starting with a much lower baseline.  I felt amazing that last week pre-treatment so that means I’m normal again right?  Wrong.  The symptoms hit harder. Faster. Stronger…. Yeah, yeah I’m a pop song.  By Friday morning, I was down for the count.  The medications help a lot but they all come with their own list of side effects.  One week later, I’m basically still on limited kid duty and supervised outings.

The light at the end of the tunnel though… I knew there was one.  I knew if I got through it I would have another bright, shiny week of walking on sunshine and singing to woodland creatures like a bald Disney princess (yes, I’m that annoying when I come out).  The other thing I clung to, quite literally, was my boobs.  Every time things started to seem unmanageable the words “it’s temporary, feel your boob, it’s working” would come in my head.  Yes, I am now a person who apparently randomly gropes themselves without a thought in her brain.  Super creepy, yes?  I promise I’m not a perv!  It’s just… I can’t find them anymore.  No not my boobs… the lumps!   Where the heck have the lumps gone?  Righty used to have an egg (6cmx8cm) and now… poof!  Lefty has pulled the same disappearing trick too.  I know they go deep down to the chest wall but if they were this size I would have never even found them.  Poof!  Chemo Magic!  I had no idea it would work this well.  I see the doctor again on the 27th and I seriously can’t wait because I NEED to hear what he has to say.  Am I some sort of miracle patient or is this totally normal?

Look guys... a rare Mama sighting in the wild!

Look guys… a rare Mama sighting in the wild!

So, there it is.  Chemo is working and time is passing.  Time passes in chunks for me.  Big gaping holes of chunks.  It’s wonderful in a way.  I blink and Monday has become Friday.  But I’m getting that old familiar feeling from every deployment. It feels terrible to wish your life away even when you want nothing more than the passage of time.  Do I want to miss out on so much looking towards an end date? Heck no!  During this time with chemo, we’ll celebrate an anniversary, take a trip to Savannah, have some pretty special visitors, and most importantly… my babies will turn two.  Two years have come and gone and I’ve not wanted to miss any of it.   Next rounds, I’ll be trying my hardest not to get lost.  Till then, I’ll be here, enjoying the feeling of looking at life through wide open eyes.

Geared up!

Geared up!


5 thoughts on “SHE’S ALIVE!

  1. You are one of the most beautiful people I know inside & out. I LOVE who you are & you inspire me to be a better me! Love you, Amelia


  2. Good to hear from you Ashley! I met you and your husband at Amber’s wedding. I knew then you were a special, sincere and fun woman. I pray for you each day and you are on our Friends of Faith prayer list. You are being so strong to share your fight with others and thank you!!
    Celebrate when you are able and continue to keep us posted . We Care !!! Hugs, love, and prayers from Somerset, KY!!


  3. I literally check this blog every single day, and I am so happy to see your smiling face! You are a light to many, keep fighting the fight, you totally got this girl! Prayers for you always…


  4. Like your friend Sarah… we all anxiously wait to see a post from you after chemo. We know you are down for the count for a few days and though it sounds crazy and perhaps even selfish ….reading your words provides a much needed sign of releif, a teary eye of gratitude and an admiration of your heart and spirit. It actually makes my day! Chemo, prayer and YOU…. pretty powerful!


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