Okay. Okay. So I was never really “gone” but man it sure felt like it for this past week.
Today, I semi-emerged from the chemo fog enough to let you guys know what’s going on. (Has it really been 2 weeks since I last posted?) We can officially say that round 2 (and most of the side effects) are OVER! You want to know how awesome that is? Awesome enough to say that we are a third of the way through this battle. BIG FLIPPIN DEAL HERE! I’m planning a little something special for the halfway mark at round 3 but I guess you’ll just have to wait and see….
So Chemo Day (last Thursday), I would have updated you guys but it would have been a total repeat of round 1. We came, I got poked, I laid in the sun like a cat wondering if this was torture or a vacation…. yada yada yada. This time only took a mere 5 hours in comparison to the 8 hours from the first trip, and all was smooth sailing. I’m practically a professional.
The only marked difference was this time I knew what was coming. There is good and bad in that. The bad is, of course, anticipating flu-like symptoms and bone pain for one out of every three weeks. The good was that I thought I knew how to manage them. Notice I said “thought”? Well, it would appear that after each round of chemotherapy I will be starting with a much lower baseline. I felt amazing that last week pre-treatment so that means I’m normal again right? Wrong. The symptoms hit harder. Faster. Stronger…. Yeah, yeah I’m a pop song. By Friday morning, I was down for the count. The medications help a lot but they all come with their own list of side effects. One week later, I’m basically still on limited kid duty and supervised outings.
The light at the end of the tunnel though… I knew there was one. I knew if I got through it I would have another bright, shiny week of walking on sunshine and singing to woodland creatures like a bald Disney princess (yes, I’m that annoying when I come out). The other thing I clung to, quite literally, was my boobs. Every time things started to seem unmanageable the words “it’s temporary, feel your boob, it’s working” would come in my head. Yes, I am now a person who apparently randomly gropes themselves without a thought in her brain. Super creepy, yes? I promise I’m not a perv! It’s just… I can’t find them anymore. No not my boobs… the lumps! Where the heck have the lumps gone? Righty used to have an egg (6cmx8cm) and now… poof! Lefty has pulled the same disappearing trick too. I know they go deep down to the chest wall but if they were this size I would have never even found them. Poof! Chemo Magic! I had no idea it would work this well. I see the doctor again on the 27th and I seriously can’t wait because I NEED to hear what he has to say. Am I some sort of miracle patient or is this totally normal?
So, there it is. Chemo is working and time is passing. Time passes in chunks for me. Big gaping holes of chunks. It’s wonderful in a way. I blink and Monday has become Friday. But I’m getting that old familiar feeling from every deployment. It feels terrible to wish your life away even when you want nothing more than the passage of time. Do I want to miss out on so much looking towards an end date? Heck no! During this time with chemo, we’ll celebrate an anniversary, take a trip to Savannah, have some pretty special visitors, and most importantly… my babies will turn two. Two years have come and gone and I’ve not wanted to miss any of it. Next rounds, I’ll be trying my hardest not to get lost. Till then, I’ll be here, enjoying the feeling of looking at life through wide open eyes.