When Fearless Falters….

Have you ever been spinning out, so high on life, that you stop and think…. “Ain’t nothing slowing this train”?

I have to tell you 10 hours ago… That was me.  Happy.  Hospitalized but still happy.  You see, for a few weeks now I’ve been having major migraine type of spells. They got so bad I landed in the ER for the second time on Saturday afternoon.  And, I know you’re thinking “but Ashley you just said you were happy!” And I was…. until 10 hrs ago.

Tuesday morning, I woke up free of a headache for the first time in a long time.  I was excited that my doctors were finally figuring out what was going on inside my nugget. MOST importantly I was so happy that I was going to go home today.  See those tiny faces.   Smush those bitty cheeks.  Feel the giggles.

Today has come and gone and the only thing that has exited the building is morale.  You see… the cause of my pain was cancer.  My cancer is back.

Not only is my cancer back, it is in the lining of the fluid that holds your brain and spinal column. And now things are spinning.   They are spinning out of control.  Spinning out of reach.  Spinning out of hope.

I’ve already had my first radiation treatment.  It happened less than 8 hours after I was diagnosed. I have 9 more to go.  Did I mention my hair will start falling out by tomorrow? My fun, feisty hard won hair.   Then we start talking next steps.

Well my next step will be a move to Tennessee.  So we are shuffling, while arranging doctors and treatment plans, and insurance coverage.  I haven’t even gotten to leave the hospital and already I’m planning a major move.  I wish I could tell you, “What’s next?”

I know that I still have hope. I know I still have happiness. I’ll find it again but for now it’s all just spinning.

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16 thoughts on “When Fearless Falters….

  1. Ashley I’m so sorry. But you will kick that in the ass as well ❤ You're such an inspiration, taking on your battles, fighting them and being an amazingly strong woman, wife, and mother!!
    I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now. Fight on, superwoman ❤

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  2. Our thoughts and prayers are coming your way. We are thinking of and Love YOU, Camden, Mom, Dad, Elizabeth and the girls.

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  3. Oh, Ashley. My heart goes out to you. I am sorry you are fighting this again. I have no doubt you can summon up all your spunk and beat this. My thoughts and prayers will be with you each day. You can do this. ❤️

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  4. My heart goes out to you ! You are the braves young women I know.
    All my prayers go out to you ! Love you with all my heart!
    Grandma

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  5. My heart hurts for you, I promise to pray daily as I did before. You got this Ashley! Love, thoughts and prayers sent your way💜

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  6. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known. My heart aches for you and the entire family, so sorry! Sending you love and a huge virtual hug. Love you!

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  7. Ashley and Camden,
    We are so sorry for the news. We will definitely be thinking and praying for you. Please let me know if there is ANYTHING we can do to help with your move. We’d be glad to help. God bless you all.

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  8. I’m so sorry, If there is anything I can do please let me know, I know that I hate cancer, you are a strong woman and god has you in his hands

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  9. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. I’m sorry you are having to deal with again. Stay strong and keep fighting.
    Linda Feck. ❤

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